Understanding Biblical Conflict Resolution: The Right Way to Handle Disagreements in the Church

Understanding Biblical Conflict Resolution: The Right Way to Handle Disagreements in the Church

When conflicts arise in our faith communities, how we handle them matters deeply—not just for the people involved, but for the health of the entire church body. Jesus gave us a clear roadmap for addressing these situations, but too often we skip steps or add our own interpretations that can cause more harm than good.

What Does the Bible Say About Handling Conflict?

In Matthew 18:15-20, Jesus outlines a three-step process for addressing sin and conflict within the church community. This isn't just ancient wisdom—it's a practical guide that protects both individuals and the church body when followed correctly.

Step One: Go in Private

The first step is simple but often misunderstood: "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private." The key word here is "listens." In the original Greek, this word means to give an audience, to consider what's been said, to hear and understand.

We often expect immediate change when we approach someone privately. But the scripture doesn't require immediate action—it requires listening and consideration. When someone says, "Thank you for caring enough to share that with me. I'll weigh it," that's actually the biblical response we should hope for, not immediate compliance.

Step Two: Bring One or Two Witnesses

If the person doesn't listen, the next step is bringing one or two witnesses. But here's where we often go wrong: these witnesses aren't there to gang up on the person or provide counseling. They're there to bear witness to the conversation and ensure every word is confirmed.

The Greek word for witness is "martus"—the same word used for martyr. This suggests that being a witness requires a level of faithfulness and integrity that tests your own faith. Don't bring your friends who already know your side of the story. Bring mature believers who can listen objectively and bear honest witness to what they hear.

Step Three: Tell It to the Church

Only if the person refuses to listen to the witnesses should the matter be brought before the church. This is serious business—it's about binding and loosing, about decisions that have eternal implications.

Why Do We Get This Wrong?

We Want to Be Right More Than We Want Restoration

Too often, we approach conflict wanting to prove we're right rather than seeking genuine restoration. We want the other person to feel shame and immediately change. But Jesus' process isn't about winning—it's about winning your brother or sister back.

We Skip the Self-Examination

Matthew 7 reminds us to remove the log from our own eye before addressing the speck in someone else's. How many times do we point out sin in others while ignoring our own issues? The same measure we use to judge others will be used to judge us.

We Create Church Hurt Instead of Healing

When we handle conflict poorly—gossiping, excluding people, or pushing them out without following biblical process—we create wounded believers. We bind people up instead of setting them free. We send away the very people who might carry the gifts and calling our church needs.

What About Forgiveness?

How Many Times Should We Forgive?

Peter asked Jesus if forgiving seven times was enough. Jesus responded with "seventy times seven"—not as a mathematical limit, but as a picture of divine completion. In Hebrew numerology, this represents the perfect spiritual order being carried out.

When we forgive, we're participating in God's divine plan. We're cutting off our need to be right and opening the door for God's blessings to flow. Forgiveness isn't saying what someone did was okay—it's saying they owe us nothing and we're releasing them to God.

Forgiveness Is a Continual Choice

Forgiveness isn't a one-time decision. Just as Satan repeatedly tempted Jesus, we'll face repeated opportunities to pick up offense again. Each time, we must choose forgiveness anew. It's a continual choice that keeps us free and keeps God's blessings flowing in our lives.

The Cost of Getting It Wrong

When we bind what shouldn't be bound or loose what shouldn't be loosed, we're not just affecting people on earth—we're making decisions with eternal implications. How many prophetic voices have we silenced? How many gifted individuals have we pushed away because they didn't fit our expectations?

Church hurt is real, and it often comes from well-meaning people who didn't follow God's process for handling conflict. Instead of creating healing and restoration, we create orphan spirits and rejection that can take years to overcome.

Life Application

This week, examine your own heart honestly. Are there people you need to forgive? Have you been holding onto unforgiveness, thinking you're justified because they were wrong? Remember that forgiveness is part of God's divine plan—not just for them, but for you.

If you're currently in conflict with someone, ask yourself: Have I followed the biblical process? Did I go to them privately first, without expecting immediate change? Am I seeking to be right, or am I seeking restoration? Have I examined my own heart for logs before pointing out their specks?

Consider these questions as you reflect on this message:

• Is there someone whose face came to mind while reading this, someone you need to forgive?

• Are you holding onto the need to be right in a situation where you should choose forgiveness instead?

• Have you been part of binding someone who should have been set free, or excluding someone who needed restoration?

• What would change in your relationships if you truly embraced the biblical process for handling conflict?

The goal isn't perfection—it's restoration. It's seeing people through God's eyes and recognizing that we all need grace. When we get this right, we create space for God's blessings to flow and for His kingdom to advance through healthy, restored relationships.